If I knew then what I know now...

It's just one day out of the year, a date on the calendar...but when what happened on that day changed you forever, it's hard to just let it slide by. It gets easier every year, but some days are harder than others to deal with it.

"What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger."

It's been hard to realize that what had happened then, made me the person that I am today. Cautious. Determined. Shamed, maybe. But stronger; much stronger than I was 5 years ago.
If I knew then what I know now, I would have never lost control of my life. I wouldn't have let it get to that point, where I was scared. Too scared to stand up for myself. Not doing so taught me a valuable lesson though; don't let your judgement be clouded or gut instincts overlooked. LISTEN to friends and family when they bring up concerns.

Don't be a statistic; fight for yourself and your self respect. Don't EVER think because someone tells you that you can't do something that they're right about it. PROVE THEM WRONG.

Don't do it for approval, don't do it just to prove them wrong...do it because you want to. The rest is just a bonus that comes with achieving what they said you would never be able to.

Being able to go back in time, I don't think I would change what happened. Although it's difficult to deal with at times, I'm stronger for it. I'm more appreciative for the things in life that I have accomplished; more appreciative of the people that I have met and those who have helped me along the way.
The path to healing is not always an easy one, but it's one that shows you who cares about you most.

You can't change the past so there's no use dwelling on it; it's the future that matters the most right now. The things to come are what are worth working towards and using your strength to deal with.
There's no more pain, no more fear, no more weight to carry.
There's no more control that you have anymore.
And if somehow "you" are reading this right now, just know that what you did doesn't matter anymore. You don't matter anymore and you never will. You're just a bitter memory...and forgiveness?
That was the hardest part. "When you've forgiven but you can't forget..." What you did will always be wrong, but to forgive you for it takes away the last bit that you were trying to control over me.
And now you don't have that anymore.
I'll always remember what happened, but it doesn't define me and I'm not broken because of it.

I'm stronger for it.

Blarggggh...

Wow...I don't know WHAT happened...but this morning I woke up and was absolutely SICK to my stomach...it was so horrible and I was so scared that I wasn't going to be able to make it to my first CMA shift!

But after taking some Imodium (an absolute LIFESAVER!) I was on my way to my first shift as a marine mammal team volunteer!!! :) I shadowed a REALLY nice intern named Lydia and she started showing me the ropes! I got to watch Nicholas's pool before his presentation started, and it was so neat being able to answer the guest's questions on my first day! Lucky I've been there so much before so I know all of the dolphin's stories ;) I get to start off doing the little things like presentations, ethograms, resp rates, observations, crowd control, etc...but eventually I will get to the chance to work my way up as long as I stay in good standing as a volunteer!!! :)

Other than that, this week is my lock-down week...3 exams: Wednesday, Thursday, Friday...but I'm feeling better, and I'm completely motivated, and I KNOW I can do this!
Even with 17 credit hours, 2 part-time jobs (research and PetSmart), 2 research assistant positions, 2 papers and poster that I need to make for 2 upcoming conferences, 1 UCF organization to run, and 1 new volunteer position...I say...

BRING.
IT.
ON.

Week 1: Complete and Utter Success!!!

Quiche cup to go for breakfast with chicken breakfast sausage; Chick-fil-A Salad for lunch; turkey burger patty for dinner with grilled squash, zucchini, and mushrooms...TASTY!!! Still kicking booty on the SBD!

Woke up around 7:15 (a little later than I had hoped, but I went to bed later than I had planned...) did 20 minutes of AM yoga, had breakfast, went to class and office hours...FOUND OUT THAT MY ABSTRACT WAS ACCEPTED TO THE CO3 CONFERENCE!!! YES! I'm so ecstatic/relieved/excited/nervous and so much more! http://www.comparativecognition.org/draft_CO3_2012_posters.pdf
There! There's the link! Click on  it! Scroll down to P51 and that's MY BABY!!! :)

Gosh, this has been such an amazing week! And I don't think it's going to stop there...first shift at CMA on Sunday!!! :)

Unfortunately...I have 3 exams next week...but with the motivation and amazingness that I'm feeling right now, I say BRING IT ON!!! Just finished my first History & Systems of Psychology assignment and am heading to bed now :)

Plan for tomorrow: Wake up at 8am, either jog with Buddy or do some Zumba/Belly Dancing, shower, work from 11a-2p, drive to Tampa (while listening to my lectures on the way!), dinner with the folks, homework and study it up, get to sleep early...then the plan for Sunday, you'll just have to wait and see! :)

LIFE.IS.GOOD.

"Whoa-oh, whoa-oh, you're a SUPERSTAR! Yeah what everybody's waiting for is what YOU are!!!" -Clooney (it's from the College Road Trip soundtrack with Raven haha!)

Still going!

Today's been good so far!

I got to sleep in a little bit today because Dr. Worthy said to take a break from the lab this morning, so I woke up around 8:07a, made breakfast (scrambled eggs with mushrooms, greens, and cheese...and Canadian bacon!), laid back in bed and took a little nap :) Then got up around 9:50 to get ready for class! Didn't squeeze in a morning workout because tonight was VOLLEYBALL NIGHT!!! We put up a good fight...it's hard playing against teams of mostly guys!!! We still held our own though :)

But for lunch I had a variation of SBD's Turkey Roll-ups...and I had imitation crab and pepperjack cheese rolled up in slices of turkey...ABSOLUTELY DELICIOUS!!! :) Nice for an on-the-go snack! It's fun to think of different things to use instead of bread products! I like getting creative with my food...I'm just happy that it's good most of the time! ;) For dinner I decided to have taco salad (thanks to Amanda's delicious looking dish the other night!) And then for dessert I had two pieces of Amanda's homemade fudge :) She's THE baking queen!!!

Tomorrow the plan is: Wake up between 6:15-6:45a, do 20-40 minutes of yoga (I'm feeling tight in my lower back, shoulder, and calf...the calf tightness is from a charlie horse that I had the pleasure of waking up to this morning...) then homework from about 7:30-8:30a, get ready for school and then school from 9:30a-2:30p, home to do more homework, and then work from 6p-9p.

This has been one of the best weeks that I've had in a while! And it's all thanks to a wonderful weekend (compliments of Jesse Smith!) and I'm looking forward to another amazing weekend to come! First shift with CMA's marine mammal team! SO PUMPED!!!

Anyway, SBD is going great! :) Gotta get ready for the three exams that I have next week: Animal Physiology, Physics, and Molecular Cell Biology...BIG WEEK AHEAD!!! Gotta be at the top of my game :)

More success!

Another successful day today!

Woke up at 6:45a, had some quiche cups and milk, did 20 minutes of morning yoga, packed some snacks, headed to campus, after classes I went to work in the lab, then we had our first KMWC meeting of the semester!

Very, VERY busy day today...but now I can finally unwind a bit :) I didn't really follow the South Beach Diet (SBD) for dinner tonight because I really didn't have time to cook or felt like cooking...so instead I had a Healthy Choice Chicken Basil Pasta dish...and splurged on some moscato for dessert ;) I figure it's still within a majority of the guidelines!

Anyway, gonna take the pooch out for a walk and then do some homework and FINALLY get ready for bed! :)

Here's to another successful day of health!

Day 2!

So far so good! Day 2 of the South Beach Diet was just as good as the first!!! It's really funny how Phase 1 is supposed to be the most "restricting..." but it hasn't been bad so far! I think the hardest things for me to keep out have been cereal and fruit...but only 12 more days until I can splurge a little bit! ;)

Yoga last night made me sleep like a BABY! I went to sleep around 10:15 and didn't wake up until my alarm went off at 6:30am this morning! FABULOUS!!!

So I got up around 7:30am (my "sleep-in" days are Tuesdays) and then had breakfast (eggs and canadian bacon) then made my lunch (crab salad with tomatoes and avocado with string cheese, jello, and celery with a Laughing Cow cheese slice), ran 2.1 miles with Buddy today (with about an 11:00 pace!), then showered and went to class and work!

Feeling great and hoping that I'll sleep as good tonight as I did last night :)

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger." -Kelly Clarkson!

The Start of Something New! :)

"There's not a star in Heaven that we can't reach; if we're trying; so we're breaking free!" -HSM

Yes, I'm having High School Musical references as my title and my intro line, because I FORGOT how much I absolutely love that movie and the music :) Shout out to my girl Rose who jammed out to the music and watch the movie multiple times with me during high school!!!

Anyway, to get back to the real reason for this post...today put the week off to an amazing start! Woke up around 7:30a, had some of my quiche cups, worked in PEBL until class, ate my Greek salad for lunch with string cheese and jello for snacks, came home, watched an episode of White Collar (SUCH a good show!) with Jesse and Buddy, had some celery and peanut butter, then attempted to do some Physics homework (but failed miserably...), had an awesome dinner (portabella mushroom burgers with provolone cheese and edamame and v8 juice!), then tried more physics (gave up again), and decided to center myself with some Candlelight Yoga :) Now I'm having my dessert (vanilla ricotta creme!) and getting ready to go to bed! All in all, I'd say today was pretty spectacular as far as health goes!

I'm attempting to do the South Beach Diet; I read through a book that I have about the diet, and I really like it! It's not very restricting at all; there's a short "detox" phase of two weeks, but you still get to eat TONS of good food...just like I had today! ;) So we'll see how it goes!

Also, this week I'm really trying for my "Morning Person Project" to turn myself into a morning person...so...I'm gonna be trying to wake up at 6-6:30a to put in a quick work-out and then read/do some homework before going to school/work in the lab! Work-out options are: morning yoga, jogging with Buddy, Jillian Michael's DVD, Wii Zumba, Belly Dancing DVD, swimming at UCF, or a 6am spin class (which would mean waking up at like 5:45...but hey, we'll see! Ultimately, I would like to be able to do a combination of the workouts mentioned, because now that I'm a maid of honor for Andy & Tim, I would REALLY like to drop a dress/jean size or two before the wedding in August!

So those are the new goals:
-Follow the South Beach Diet
-Wake up between 5:45a-6:30a
-Put in a 30 min AM workout
-Lose 10 pounds/1-2 dress sizes/1-2 jean sizes by May would be nice :) Just in time for graduation!

All right, time to walk Buds, and get ready for bed!
Here's to a tomorrow just like today!!! :)

Slacking off...Ugh!

I've been doing all right lately...but still kinda slacking on the workout part!
Poor Buddy was sick the past two days, so we didn't get a chance to do our morning jogging...but that's still no excuse! We'll be getting back on track when he's back to normal :)

In the meantime...VOLLEYBALL TONIGHT! :) So excited! 30 minutes of the best cardio everrrr...well, maybe not the best/most efficient...but DEFINITELY the most fun! ;)

Okay so don't judge me...but I also bought 3 "dance" classes for $15 at this new place that opened in the area! I hear it's a really good workout and NO I do not plan on practicing at home hahaha but this studio also does Zumba, Yoga, Pilates, and more! And it's an all-women facility which I really like :) So I know it's a little risque, but I'm not going to spend $18 dollars to try one class if I don't like it! So I figure getting three one-hour classes would work lol

I think I just need a kick in the butt to get moving again! And I really need to go grocery shopping for staple items that I can get together quickly and travel nicely, because this semester I have less time than ever! But it's been going great so far :) I'm making sure to balance my time between taking time for myself and Buddy, and focusing on schoolwork. My new year's resolutions have been going pretty well too!
Flossing, wearing sunscreen, and meditating have been my top three that I have done really well with so far :) The workout ones are still there, but not at prominent...I'm working on changing that though!

Well, I think that about wraps it up for the day...but volleyball tonight, jogging either tomorrow morning or Saturday morning, and maybe something fun on Sunday/Monday :)

OH! And Buddy FINALLY got his AKC Canine Good Citizen Certificate! Mom was nice enough to send me a photo of it! Check it out! He's an official CGC! :)

First day of my Last semester of undergrad!

Wow...I can't believe how fast time has gone! I will be graduating in a mere 4 months...absolutely CRAZY!!! But I'm definite super excited for it :)

It's strange having to focus so much on the future now...internship application deadline fast approaching, planning for graduation, dress shopping for Tim & Andy's wedding in August...it's all coming up so quickly!!! Tough decisions have to be made and I hate feeling selfish for trying to do everything possible in order to make my dream life (life!) come true...I just hope everyone understands as these things come up, but these are the most important months as far as bringing up my GPA, finding professors to write me letters of recommendation, and networking to find the most fitting opportunities for me in the near future.

But enough of the serious stuff...Buddy & I went on an awesome run today!
2.32 miles in 24 minutes, with a 10:42/mile average and 275 calories burned!!!
I call that a good day :)
I had Molecular Cell Biology today for my first class of the new semester!

Other than that, I have a lot more to accomplish within the next month...so I better get my booty moving!!!

First Buddy Run of the New Year!

All right!
Yesterday was Buddy boy's 2nd birthday! Look how ADORABLE he is!!! :)

He had a nice dinner and fun time at work! :) He got cookies from everybody and three new squeaker tennis balls!!! And yes, they say Happy Birthday on them ;) hahaha!

Anyway, to keep with the work out theme, Buddy and I went on a light run today! Took a stop at the dog park so he could play and get some water :) We ran most of the way except for when he took a potty break haha

So we've been keeping with new year's resolutions so far! :) Enjoying the last few days before school starts again...here we go!

A Review of 2011: A Preview of 2012

So this post has taken me longer than I thought it would to update! Ideally, I wanted to post this on New Year's Eve...but I had a lot more to say than I imagined I did...

So here it goes!

Like any year, 2011 was definitely a roller coaster of a year...but like any year, mistakes were made, many things were learned, a LOT was accomplished, opportunities may have been missed but better things came around, and SO many amazing things happened!!!

There were extreme roommate issues which taught me that I can't be the doormat that I've been all my life; that I need to stand up for myself and speak my mind more often. That whole fiasco had so many obstacles for me; seeing one of my best friends going down a dangerous path, seeing a lot of similarities in her that I had seen in myself at one time, confrontation is NOT one of my strong points, financial instability and uncertainty as my parents and I took over the entire rent for my old apartment, and the frustration that came with the whole thing.

There were ups and downs throughout the year; rejection, self esteem issues, financial problems, many relationship issues...then there were the highlights of good grades, fun family trips, new accomplishments, proud moments (especially of Buddy!), and making new connections that are paving my future even more every day!

There were so many blessings from this year; so many things that couldn't have been planned...by me at least :) The Big Man upstairs definitely had things planned out for me this year!
Especially for the research assistant positions I got in the Cognitive Sciences Lab, the ACAT Lab, and the Physiological Ecology and Bioenergetics Lab. There are so many things that panned out better than I could have EVER imagined; most importantly the Society for Marine Mammalogy Conference. Meeting everybody that I admire and idolize at that conference definitely made me more motivated than ever for my future endeavors!

I definitely reached a point of burnout during fall semester since I had so much going on all the time, but it helped me realize where my breaking point is! And when I have too much on my plate...but I need to give a big shout out to Jesse Smith for keeping me grounded during those times and always supporting me :) He stuck around through all of my rants and tantrums haha He also made my 22nd birthday 11/11/11 one of THE best birthdays ever!!! I'm definitely lucky to have him around ;)

But this year is going to be my healthiest, greatest year ever! I've been in my slump for long enough and recovered over winter break (and also caught up on Seasons 4 and 5 of Dexter!) This semester is going to be difficult, but I think I'm refueled and ready for it: Molecular Cell Biology, Physics II, Animal Physiology, History & Systems of Psychology, and being a Teaching Assistant for Dr. Chin's Psychology of Human and Animal Interactions class (which I'm SUPER excited about! Thanks again Dr. Chin!!!) Not to mention still working for CogSciLab and PEBL!

So my BIG resolutions are:
1) Lose 10 lbs
2) Become Financially Sound
3) Reinvent Myself (in a good way!)

The little resolutions to go along with that include flossing, exercising, getting GREAT grades, not using my credit card, meditating, making more time for myself, getting a new job and/or internship, keeping in touch with friends and family more often, and there's a few more too :) But those are the most important ones so far!

Anyway, I think that about wraps it up...but I'd like to finish with a quote from one of my NEW favorite movies: New Year's Eve!

Reminding us to stop, take a moment, reflect, and celebrate :)Not just on New Year's, but everyday.

"It's suspended there to remind us before we pop the champagne and celebrate the New Year, to stop and reflect on the year that has gone by. To remember both our triumphs and our missteps - our promises made, and broken. The times we opened ourselves up to great adventures - or closed ourselves down, for fear of getting hurt. Because that's what New Year's is all about: getting another chance. A chance to forgive, to do better, to do more, to give more, to love more. And stop worrying about 'what if' and start embracing what would be. So when that ball drops at midnight - and it will drop - let's remember to be nice to each other, kind to each other. And not just tonight but all year long."

So now I'm ready for a fresh start, a new semester, and a brand new year!
Watch out world, because this is Melyssa Allen's year!!! ;)